Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A month ago

A month ago my mom died.  It feels like it's been forever.  It was so unexpected and fast that no one had time to say goodbye. There are a lot of unanswered questions still connected to her death and that makes it even harder to come to terms with her being gone.  I still think about calling her and telling her something everyday. I think of all the plans that we had with her. She is still needed on earth and I hate not having her.

I know that she is happy and fine.  I know that the "test" for her is over and that she did the best she could. I know she is in a better place now, but that doesn't help with missing her and the anger that comes with losing her. 

My mom was an amazing woman and with her passing I have really had to look at my life and decide what things need to change. I need to be more kind, understanding, accepting and loving.  So many people had wonderful things to say about my mom and I want to take those things they said about her and do them.  She made people feel welcome and loved.

Man I miss her.  Words can't even describe the pain or the feeling of loss. I never could have imagined that it felt like this. I hope that her spirit will always be around me and my kids. I hope that Eli will always remember her. And I hope that everyone with a mother who loves them really appreciate what they have.

6 comments:

  1. The funeral was so beautiful, it made us all want to be better people. Your mom was so wonderful, I can't imagine your pain. We pray for your family and hope you can have peace.

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  2. Becca, so sorry to hear about your mother. Our prayers are with you and your family. Always show pictures and share stories with your kids and they won't forget about her.

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  3. Becca- I can't even imagine how hard this past month has been. It is a true test that you and your family are so strong. What a great legacy your mom has left!

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  4. I still can't even believe it. You have more of your mom in you than you think - Clint told me a few weeks ago that the same accepting and non-judging feeling he got from your mom he has always felt with you too. She was an amazing beautiful person. Love you so much!

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  5. I am so sorry Becca. I know you love her so much and I am sure she is very close to you and your sweet family. I remember your mother as a creative, kind, selfless person...who LOVED her family. Love you!

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  6. Becca I can't imagine what you are feeling. Another friend of ours lost their mother just after you. She just didn't wake up one morning. I hate that as we get older, death of loved ones comes with it and it never seems quite fair when they are young and had a lot of life left in them. I hope you find peace from it all and know that she will never leave you. She will always be there with you especially when you need her the most!

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