Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A month ago

A month ago my mom died.  It feels like it's been forever.  It was so unexpected and fast that no one had time to say goodbye. There are a lot of unanswered questions still connected to her death and that makes it even harder to come to terms with her being gone.  I still think about calling her and telling her something everyday. I think of all the plans that we had with her. She is still needed on earth and I hate not having her.

I know that she is happy and fine.  I know that the "test" for her is over and that she did the best she could. I know she is in a better place now, but that doesn't help with missing her and the anger that comes with losing her. 

My mom was an amazing woman and with her passing I have really had to look at my life and decide what things need to change. I need to be more kind, understanding, accepting and loving.  So many people had wonderful things to say about my mom and I want to take those things they said about her and do them.  She made people feel welcome and loved.

Man I miss her.  Words can't even describe the pain or the feeling of loss. I never could have imagined that it felt like this. I hope that her spirit will always be around me and my kids. I hope that Eli will always remember her. And I hope that everyone with a mother who loves them really appreciate what they have.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Effusive Eli

Eli has had some major life events happen lately.  First a new baby, then a trip to Disney World (minus his parents) and now he's out of first grade.  He has taken to his new role of big brother wonderfully and is so sweet and helpful.   Here are some Eli moments that have happened recently...well maybe some not so recently but I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget and that's pretty good in my opinion.

Today Eli said "Mom, do you think life is pretty hard when Knox cries a lot like he did today?" (Knox has been pretty fussy.)
Me: "oh no, it's just a way for him to get his energy out. If we try to feed him and change him and hold him and he's still fussy then we just can let him cry."
Eli: "well, I just wanted you to know that you can always ask me for help."

That is typical Eli. He's SO SWEET.  He seriously is so caring and thoughtful.

At the store yesterday I was buying a bunch of yogurts and Eli was shocked and excited.  "why are you buying so much yogurt?! You never buy so much yogurt!"  Then I let him get a donut and he was even more surprised, "What's gotten into you?! You never buy so much good stuff. This is the kind of mom I like."  Apparently I'm usually some sort of ogre when it comes to grocery shopping. This sort of benevolent behavior continued though because today I made him a s'more in the microwave. Tonight when I was kissing him goodnight he said, "you seen to be feeling really good.  You made me a s'more and you came downstairs with me" (we played a video game for 10 minutes or less...haha) "I don't know what's gotten into you but I like it."

Stewart recently watched Eli (this was pre-Knox) and when I came home Eli knew all sorts of great things like how to pants people, how to keep from getting pantsed, and what mooning is all about. I was lamenting this sort of behavior and Eli proclaimed, "awww I just LOVE what that guy teaches me."

When Eli found out that his Aunt Leesa had a boyfriend (now fiance) and they kissed he said "I can't believe she finally let a boy touch her lips!"  Ha ha Leesa was known to be scared of boys until recently.

Eli's uncle Jed is in high school and apparently saw some girls fighting one day. On facebook he posted about it and I was reading the post to Stewart. Eli was there and heard and asked a few questions about it. He thought about it for a minute and then said, "hmm that must have been interesting to see some chicks fight."
Eli is a sweet little guy who still loves his mom. He asked me if we could do something together just us because I'm always taking care of Knox. I love that Eli isn't afraid to show his love for his mommy.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Introducing Knox

In case you hadn't heard I had my baby.  He made his appearance 3 weeks early and that was ok with me...except for the hell on earth that I experienced for 3 days prior to his birth.  In the end it was all good though and now I will proceed to tell the story in detail of his birth.  I put the announcement at the top so you can just get the general details and skip the (lengthy and words like uterus filled) post that is coming. Now that I do blog books I gotta get it all down!

It all started Thursday May 5th.  I woke up feeling a little sick to my stomach and having contractions.  I remembered feeling this same way when I went into labor with Eli. I just knew that I was going to have the baby that day.  Stewart and I went and delivered some thank you cards to neighbors so that we could keep labor going.  Stewart was timing my contractions on the walk and they were like 2 minutes apart.  I figured that it wasn't true labor because they weren't painful enough to be that close together but by the end of the walk I was feeling VERY sick.  I felt achy and feverish and had a crampy pain in my uterus that hurt bad.  They contractions were still going on so we went into labor and delivery.

The nurses checked me in. I was running a fever and was dehydrated so they drew blood to check for infection and then gave me a few bags of IV fluid.  My contractions were irregular and most weren't even registering on the monitor.  After 2 hours of being there the Dr. who was on call for my OB decided that I had the flu and that I could go home.  The instructions were really lame they were things like "your white blood count is elevated so that can be because of the flu or labor" and "an elevated fever can be because of infection or because of labor."  So we left knowing that I was either sick or in labor.

Twenty-four hours later I was still sick and knew that it wasn't the flu.  I just kept saying "this isn't right! This isn't the flu." I still had a fever and felt horrible. That night my fever spiked and didn't go away with Tylenol so I called my OB, who was back in town, and he said that if it didn't go down with my next dose of Tylenol to call him. It did go down so I suffered through another night feeling horrible.

Saturday I woke up feeling a little better. I didn't want to die so that was good. I was supposed to go to a wedding shower but didn't think I should risk getting sick there. By 3:00 I wanted to die again and had terrible pain in my uterus again.  Finally, I told Stewart to call my Dr. and tell him that I was going to instacare or Labor and Delivery but that I was going somewhere.  My Dr. told him to take me into L&D and he'd be there in 40 minutes.  I think we got to L&D about 4:30 and they put me in the outpatient room. My Dr. came in and checked me about 5:00.  He could tell that I had a uterine infection and decided to induce me since a uterine infection can be dangerous to the baby.

They took me over to a good delivery room and got the pitocin and antibiotics started at 5:30. I was hoping for a Mother's day baby but Knox was in a hurry to get here and made his appearance at 9:57 pm.  My mom and Stacy where in the delivery room and Stewart's mom and sister Laurie were on their way but Knox was too fast so they missed the birth.

The funny thing about the labor was that I was really nervous to get the epidural. When I had one with Eli I absolutely HATED the recovery.  I had Eli a little before midnight and the next morning still couldn't walk by myself or feel my legs.  I hated it so much.  So when the anesthesiologist, who went to high school with Stewart, said that he doses the epidurals so that people can move their legs I figured it would be alright.  At first I could move my legs so that was great but I also could feel everything on the left side of my body!  Because of my scoliosis (according to the anesthesiologist) the catheter had probably aimed itself to the right side of my body and so the medicine was all going to the right side of my body.

He had me lie on my left side and he gave me a bolus dose of the epidural medicine.  That worked great for my left side and the pain went away but it also made my right side totally numb. I couldn't move my right leg at all. I just was so annoyed and kept saying "this is what I didn't want to happen!" So I'm thinking that I'm going to be numb until they release me from the hospital.  I asked the anesthesiologist if he'd turn off the epidural drip since I was so numb.  He said that he would but that he didn't recommend it because the bolus dose was stronger medicine but it also didn't last as long.  He said that it would wear off in an hour. I didn't believe him but I let him keep the drip going anyway. That all happened about 8:30 pm.  Guess what happened?  An hour later the bolus dose wore off and I could feel everything on the left side of my body.  The contractions were so painful!  Mostly because it's freaking labor and also the uterine infection was very painful too.  I was fully dilated and was worried because it hurt and I didn't want to feel myself tear but I also didn't want to not be able to move my right leg again.

Finally the pain was so bad that I relented and said that I wanted another bolus dose of epidural medicine. I turned to my left side so he could administer it and had a contraction and felt the baby's head start it's way down.  oh man! It hurt and felt so freaking weird. (But only on the left side.) I yelled, "I feel his head he's coming!" and "I'm not pushing but he's coming anyway." and "I need to push." The nurses started getting everything ready and my Dr. started getting his gear on.  Basically they didn't believe me at all.  They weren't hurrying or anything!  I had another contraction and yelled things like "why would anyone go natural!" and "I need to push!"

By the next contraction the bolus was starting to work and I could feel a little pain and a lot of pressure and that pressure was the baby's head coming out of my hoo-haa.  They finally got me into position and the nurse was like "oh yeah, there's his head." HELLO!  That's what I was saying all along.  By the next contraction the Dr. wasn't quite ready so he held Knox's head in!  That was like a form of torture. Finally Dr. Ward was ready and told me to push on my next contraction. I said that I wasn't having a contraction but that I could push right now.  He said ok and after 2 or 3 pushes Knox was born!

It was a nice birth and it was very fast.  Since I had a fever I never got the chills and shakes that I got with Eli. Of course I had a fever and didn't feel very great either. I felt much better by the next morning though.

We had a little scare with Knox and he had to spend all day Sunday in the nursery.  He wasn't keeping his temperature up and his white blood count was elevated.  He also was having some breathing issues.  We got him Sunday evening but he spent Sunday night in the nursery so he could be watched.  Luckily he didn't contract any infection and his white blood count came down on it's own.

We have been just so happy with this little guy.  He has made life great.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Easter Egg Hunt

 My mom had her annual Easter egg hunt on Saturday.  They has their pictures taken before the egg hunt which is why they are wearing matching colors.   The kids were so excited and funny looking for the eggs in a mad panic.



Going through the spoils of the day.  Because we are bad parents we let Eli watch a PG-13 movie today so that he would share his candy with us while we watched it. Don't worry, I'm ashamed.

Little Entrepreneur

Eli had a great idea to make some money. He was pretty sure that he was going to make 100 dollars by playing his "drums".

I warned him that it probably wouldn't work but he was determined.  Luckily his father took some pity and put some coins in the bucket.
 After there were some coins in the bowl he tipped it so that passersby could see that you are supposed to put money in it.  
He also did some drum stick flips to increase the wow factor.


Unfortunately, we live in a cul-de-sac and only 2 cars passed by and really who would pay a kid money for beating on his tin garbage can.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

April Fools

I love to play jokes on Eli. He is pretty cute and usually says some funny stuff.  This year I saw these cupcakes on a blog and had to try them.  I usually make Eli a peanut butter sandwich for lunch everyday.  After he went to bed on March 31st I made these cupcakes so I could tell him that they were for his lunch.
Spaghetti and Meatballs

Mashed Potatoes

peas and carrots
The peas and carrots didn't fool him at all but the other 2 did. In fact, before he left for school he said that next year if I do this again to please not do the meatball one because it was making him sick to look at it. He said maybe I could do "green beans instead or something like that."  I actually agreed with him and took the cupcakes over to our neighbor so I didn't have to look at them anymore. The meatballs really did look real and it was kinda gross.

This video is kinda long but I was in no mood to go edit it. It's funny when he tastes one of "meatballs."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Effusive Eli:

Stewart was in charge last night and they were watching Futurama. At 9:00 Stewart said:

Stew: guess what time it is.
Eli: time to watch more Futurama?
Stew: No
Eli: Time to watch more Futurama while we make a treat?
Stew: No
Eli: Time to stay up and have more fun?
Stew No it's time for bed.
Eli: is it time to go to sleep or is it time to get in bed and read?

Of course Stewart let him read until 9:45. He's a huge sucker. I put Eli in bed between 8 and 8:30 and let him read until 9. But a late night for Eli is worth a girls night out for me!

I was playing Yahtzee on my iPod
Eli:what are you playing?
Me: Yahtzee.
Eli: oh Nazi
Me: No, Yahtzee
Eli: OH! Nazi.
Me: (imagining him going to school telling people I play Nazi and getting panicked) NO YAH-tzee, YAH-tzee.
Eli: oh Yahtzee. Yeah I think I've played that before.

Eli loves a girl at school. He calls her "my girlfriend that I don't date."

On Monday Eli was helping me sort through the baby clothes. He said "can I be the second one in the family to hold the baby. I told him that Dad would be there so he would be second but that Eli could be the first visitor come see the baby at the hospital. Eli said "well can I be the 3rd one in our family to hold the baby?" Ha ha. I told him he can be the 3rd one in our family to hold the baby and since Knox can't hold himself I think that will work out ok.

Man, there was another really funny thing Eli said but now I can't remember! I need to get used to remembering these things since they are my favorite posts to go back and read.